That Dang Cat

As many of you know, I have a cat named Zarrah. We lovingly refer to her as Satan. I would like to affirm that she is the Devil. Ok, let’s back the story up. Aimee and I also have dogs. My dog's name is Patrick, or P-dog for short, and Aimee's dog's name is Tucker, aka Chuck (story for another time). Patrick sleeps in my bed at night and Tucker sleeps in Aimee's bed at night. The fish, Carney, has his own aquarium, and the cat, Satan has the rest of the house. So this means that the cat has the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, and the hallway, and sometimes the garage when her stupid ass won't come inside. Well as Aimee and I were sleeping last night, I hear this gentle scratching at the door. This gentle scratching I heard sent Patrick into a fit of rage. No Patrick is normally a sweet dog, loves everyone, loves to play, you know the type. So anyways, this gentle scratching sets Patrick off, he's pretty protective of "his" room. I open my door and there is no cat. So I go back to bed. Well little did I know that the cat was playing the same game with Aimee and Tucker. So back to bed, a little while later I hear the scratching again, Patrick goes nuts again, open the door...No cat. I am starting to get pissed. Satan scratches on Aimee's door Tucker starts to bark. Damn cat. We play this game for a while, and then the scratching turns into the cat flinging her body again the door. I swear she could have given herself a concussion. Well by this time, Patrick has given up all hope and doesn't even raise his head to bark at her anymore. This is all well and good, at 6:00 AM. So I get out of bed. It's hard to sleep if your cat is flinging her body against your door. So I get up, just to walk into the living room to find Satan having a fight with a cinnamon stick Santa from the tree. I was like No Ma'am!!! We do not fight the cinnamon stick Santas. She ran under the Christmas tree. I look under the tree, only to find that she taken a tampon out of my purse which was on the end table and put it under the tree. It looked like she and the tampon had had a fight sometime during the night, and needless to say...the tampon lost. Satan runs out from under the tree and into the bathroom, where upon she beings to worship the bathroom gods. I have to tee-tee so I go in there my self. Now I don't know about y’all but we have a big bath mat, not a big bathroom, but a big bath mat. As I am sitting there trying to tee-tee she decides she wants to worship the bathroom gods under my feet. I don't consider myself much of a morning person anyways, but at 6 AM while I am trying to tee-tee I do not appreciate this damned cat under my feet purring. Then Patrick got pissed because the cat got to be in the bathroom with me and he didn't. Aimee had to be at work at 6 so she is in there too trying to put in her contacts, then Tucker wonders in I guess cause everyone else is in there. So my morning started off with two adults, two dogs, and a cat in the bathroom. It was not a pleasant experience.